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The Axis Of Evil

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Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
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The Axis Of Evil

President Bush's State of the Union pronouncement that North Korea, Iran, and Iraq represent an "Axis of Evil" continues to spark debate. What do you think?
  • "These 'Axis of Evil' nations are no more a threat than Libya, Syria, Cuba, Egypt, Pakistan, China, Saudi Arabia, or the Sudan. We've got nothing to worry about."

    Ellen Demuth Physical Therapist
  • "I strongly feel that our conflict with the Axis of Evil should not be settled on the battlefield, but in the pro-wrestling ring."

    John Yancey Systems Analyst
  • "Perhaps air-dropping food on these countries we just pissed off might help ease tensions."

    Rich Hoegert Claims Processor
  • "We should not try to stop the access of Evel. That man is a national treasure and should be allowed to move freely in whatever stadiums or canyon gorges he likes."

    Aimee Chambers Student
  • "Calling Iran part of an 'Axis of Evil' may cause average Americans to lump moderates like Mohammad Khatami in with extremists like Ali Khamenei and Hashemi Rafsanjami."

    Rob Russell Pool Cleaner
  • "Aw, shit, not another Axis. That last one kicked our asses."

    Anderson King Attorney

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