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The Ban On Travel To Cuba

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.
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The Ban On Travel To Cuba

The House of Representatives recently voted to end the decades-old restriction prohibiting travel to Cuba. What do you think?
  • "But if we impose sanctions for just one more year, we could still win the Cold War."

    Charlie Todd Financial Examiner
  • "What flake thought up this stupid bill? Oh, U.S. Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ)."

    Mary Regan Appraiser
  • "Tom DeLay claims lifting restrictions will support Fidel's 'thugocracy.' And who would know better than an elected Thugocrat?"

    Porter Mason Podiatrist
  • "Our country should not recognize the tyrant Castro until the land that belonged to the tyrant Batista is returned to its rightful mob owners."

    David Berman Paramedic
  • "Making Cuba accessible to Americans would encourage reforms there, as it did in the once-oppressive republics of the Bahamas, Aruba, and South Padre Island."

    Jane Borden Systems Analyst
  • "We all know imposing sanctions doesn't work. It seems our only option is to strike now."

    Rob Webber Sales Agent

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