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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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The Bin Laden Audiotape

Last week, al-Jazeera aired an audiotape purportedly of Osama bin Laden praising the Sept. 11 attacks. What do you think about the possibility that bin Laden is alive?
  • "I have my suspicions that this tape is older than al-Jazeera claims, mostly because of the way bin Laden peppers his speech with 'fer sure' and 'tubular.'"

    Linda Kingery Librarian
  • "Hell, that could be anyone's voice. Even I can do bin Laden... 'Oh, yes, I very much like to blow up the buildings, sir.' No, you sound Indian."

    Todd Buhner Landscaper
  • "Bin Laden... alive? It's a Christmastime miracle!"

    Bill Cotto Electrical <br>Engineer
  • "You mean our bombing the crap out of Afghanistan and threatening war with Iraq hasn't softened his anti-American stance? That can't be right."

    Glenda <br>Langston Podiatrist
  • "Hey, I'm way ahead of you. I know this place down on Canal Street that had bootleg copies of the tape a week before al-Jazeera."

    Bob Bankhead Bus Driver
  • "I don't know which is more terrifying—that bin Laden is still alive or that al-Qaeda may be in cahoots with Rich 'Man Of A Thousand Voices' Little."

    George Brantley Systems <br>Analyst

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