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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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The Candidate And Cocaine

Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush continues to dodge questions about whether he has ever used cocaine or other illegal drugs. What do you think?
  • "Bush is a good man, and I'm sure he wouldn't have done drugs unless he absolutely had to."

    Wayne Caldwell Systems Analyst
  • "He had access to cocaine? Man, I wish my dad was head of the CIA."

    Paul Stankiewicz Meat Cutter
  • "This is the sort of thing that could cause America to lose faith in the privileged sons of the rich and powerful."

    Linda Atkinson Commercial Artist
  • "A candidate who did drugs? I'm voting for him. He's sure to kick all the fat cats out of office and rule with groovy peace vibes."

    Randy Hart Welder
  • "I can't believe the media is making such a big deal out of this utter non-issue. When I was hanging with George back in the '70s, we did lots worse stuff than that, believe me."

    Steve<br>Loomi Mathematician
  • "I just don't understand. He had the whole world at his feet. Why would he want to party on drugs?"

    Margot Penny Insurance Agent

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