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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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The Chinese In Space

China's second manned space capsule just returned from orbit, paving the way for a future Chinese moon mission. What do you think?
  • "This may solve China's overpopulation problem, two people and billions of dollars at a time."

    Dan Cloutier Welder
  • "I have a feeling that, as a culture, the Chinese are going to have a hard time making rockets that don't explode in beautiful geometric patterns."

    Cassandra Hines Housewife
  • "Finally, I won't have to rent movies like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Hero in order to see the effects of weightlessness on Chinese people."

    Malcolm Glidden Systems Analyst

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