The Cigarette Tax

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Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

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WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

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Healthy Living

The Cigarette Tax

Twenty-two states are considering raising cigarette taxes to generate extra revenue, and in New York City, the cost of a pack may reach $7. What do you think?
  • "I think that if these politicians enjoyed a nice, relaxing smoke once in a while, they wouldn't propose such uptight laws."

    Patti Courson
    Receptionist
  • "The government is such a bunch of suckers. I haven't reported my cigarettes on my taxes once."

    Frederick Purcell
    Systems Analyst
  • "I don't care if they raise the price, because I'm the guy in the bar who doesn't smoke except when he drinks. Got a cigarette?"

    Todd Kantner
    Bus Driver
  • "How can I afford smokes now, especially with a baby on the way?"

    Danielle Dawes
    Waitress
  • "The government has a right to tax unhealthy products because, after all, they pay for health care. What? They don't?"

    Richard McCall
    Contractor
  • "Well, $7 seems like a reasonable price to pay to calm my shakes and jitters over not having any fucking money."

    Mike Dutler
    Machinist