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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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The Cigarette Tax

Twenty-two states are considering raising cigarette taxes to generate extra revenue, and in New York City, the cost of a pack may reach $7. What do you think?
  • "I think that if these politicians enjoyed a nice, relaxing smoke once in a while, they wouldn't propose such uptight laws."

    Patti Courson Receptionist
  • "The government is such a bunch of suckers. I haven't reported my cigarettes on my taxes once."

    Frederick Purcell Systems Analyst
  • "I don't care if they raise the price, because I'm the guy in the bar who doesn't smoke except when he drinks. Got a cigarette?"

    Todd Kantner Bus Driver
  • "How can I afford smokes now, especially with a baby on the way?"

    Danielle Dawes Waitress
  • "The government has a right to tax unhealthy products because, after all, they pay for health care. What? They don't?"

    Richard McCall Contractor
  • "Well, $7 seems like a reasonable price to pay to calm my shakes and jitters over not having any fucking money."

    Mike Dutler Machinist

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