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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The Cincinnati Riots

Riots erupted in Cincinnati last week following the shooting death of an unarmed black man by police officers. What do you think about the latest such incident?
  • "It's no surprise that these types of situations occur. Our police are overworked and underpaid and mostly really stupid."

    Dianne Chester Piano Teacher
  • "If black people are going to act like animals every time they're treated like animals, racists like me will never respect them."

    Ira Richmond Business Owner
  • "Riots are tragic releases following years of pent-up rage and despair. Unless they occur after a sports championship. Those rule."

    Bob Edmondson Plumber
  • "This is the worst thing to happen in Cincinnati since that radio station dropped all those flightless Thanksgiving turkeys from a helicopter."

    Amil Gopalakian Cashier
  • "I know there's racism, but the police are under a lot of pressure. So the next time a cop is braining me, I'm going to relax, count to 10, and try my best to see his point of view."

    Jerome Barker Systems Analyst
  • "I'm sure that if Cincinnati's blacks and whites just sat down and talked honestly about their feelings, it would combust into violence 10 times worse than those riots."

    Anita Holcomb Speech Therapist
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