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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
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The Cincinnati Riots

Riots erupted in Cincinnati last week following the shooting death of an unarmed black man by police officers. What do you think about the latest such incident?
  • "It's no surprise that these types of situations occur. Our police are overworked and underpaid and mostly really stupid."

    Dianne Chester Piano Teacher
  • "If black people are going to act like animals every time they're treated like animals, racists like me will never respect them."

    Ira Richmond Business Owner
  • "Riots are tragic releases following years of pent-up rage and despair. Unless they occur after a sports championship. Those rule."

    Bob Edmondson Plumber
  • "This is the worst thing to happen in Cincinnati since that radio station dropped all those flightless Thanksgiving turkeys from a helicopter."

    Amil Gopalakian Cashier
  • "I know there's racism, but the police are under a lot of pressure. So the next time a cop is braining me, I'm going to relax, count to 10, and try my best to see his point of view."

    Jerome Barker Systems Analyst
  • "I'm sure that if Cincinnati's blacks and whites just sat down and talked honestly about their feelings, it would combust into violence 10 times worse than those riots."

    Anita Holcomb Speech Therapist

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