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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The Clone Wars

Across the U.S. and on Capitol Hill, debate is raging on the issue of human cloning. What do you think?
  • "Cloning? Why? Aren't most Americans pretty much exactly alike as it is?"

    Lisa Rossiter Florist
  • "We really have no idea what kind of profound ramifications this could have on future generations, and on life on this planet as a whole. Let's find out."

    Dan Preece Truck Driver
  • "Cloning forces us to ask some hard questions. For example, which person, the original or the clone, gets to wear the goatee and be evil?"

    Stewart Nicholls Cashier
  • "Can we clone a bulletproof Kurt Cobain? He was a sun that set too soon."

    Danielle Yates Student
  • "Anything that puts more people on the planet is okay by me."

    Bill Barron Systems Analyst
  • "Didn't the world learn its lesson when test-tube baby Louise grew to 60 feet tall and rampaged across London?"

    Ken Bould Architect
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