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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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The Clone Wars

Across the U.S. and on Capitol Hill, debate is raging on the issue of human cloning. What do you think?
  • "Cloning? Why? Aren't most Americans pretty much exactly alike as it is?"

    Lisa Rossiter Florist
  • "We really have no idea what kind of profound ramifications this could have on future generations, and on life on this planet as a whole. Let's find out."

    Dan Preece Truck Driver
  • "Cloning forces us to ask some hard questions. For example, which person, the original or the clone, gets to wear the goatee and be evil?"

    Stewart Nicholls Cashier
  • "Can we clone a bulletproof Kurt Cobain? He was a sun that set too soon."

    Danielle Yates Student
  • "Anything that puts more people on the planet is okay by me."

    Bill Barron Systems Analyst
  • "Didn't the world learn its lesson when test-tube baby Louise grew to 60 feet tall and rampaged across London?"

    Ken Bould Architect

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