adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Clone Wars

Across the U.S. and on Capitol Hill, debate is raging on the issue of human cloning. What do you think?
  • "Cloning? Why? Aren't most Americans pretty much exactly alike as it is?"

    Lisa Rossiter Florist
  • "We really have no idea what kind of profound ramifications this could have on future generations, and on life on this planet as a whole. Let's find out."

    Dan Preece Truck Driver
  • "Cloning forces us to ask some hard questions. For example, which person, the original or the clone, gets to wear the goatee and be evil?"

    Stewart Nicholls Cashier
  • "Can we clone a bulletproof Kurt Cobain? He was a sun that set too soon."

    Danielle Yates Student
  • "Anything that puts more people on the planet is okay by me."

    Bill Barron Systems Analyst
  • "Didn't the world learn its lesson when test-tube baby Louise grew to 60 feet tall and rampaged across London?"

    Ken Bould Architect

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close