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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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The Clone Wars

In the first-ever cloning of a mammal, scientists in Scotland announced last week that they had successfully cloned a sheep. What do you think?
  • "Big deal. I discovered the secret of my sheep's colon years ago."

    Tad Kolinski Farmer
  • "The world of the frighteningly prophetic 1984 film Weird Science is closer than we think."

    Wendy Reid Interior Decorator
  • "I can't believe it—imagine a whole field of sheep that all look alike!"

    Barbara Eastman Systems Analyst
  • "They spend billions on genetics research, and meanwhile, I still have no pretzel rods with tangy ranch flavor."

    Rajeev Pindar Speech Pathologist
  • "Science can do anything now, man. They can clone, they can orbit shit. Hell, I'll admit it—science is cool."

    Tony Roth Building Supervisor
  • "I think I saw some of those cloning experiments going on down at the mall. They had wallet chains and real big pants."

    Will Backman Plumber
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