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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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The Clone Wars

In the first-ever cloning of a mammal, scientists in Scotland announced last week that they had successfully cloned a sheep. What do you think?
  • "Big deal. I discovered the secret of my sheep's colon years ago."

    Tad Kolinski Farmer
  • "The world of the frighteningly prophetic 1984 film Weird Science is closer than we think."

    Wendy Reid Interior Decorator
  • "I can't believe it—imagine a whole field of sheep that all look alike!"

    Barbara Eastman Systems Analyst
  • "They spend billions on genetics research, and meanwhile, I still have no pretzel rods with tangy ranch flavor."

    Rajeev Pindar Speech Pathologist
  • "Science can do anything now, man. They can clone, they can orbit shit. Hell, I'll admit it—science is cool."

    Tony Roth Building Supervisor
  • "I think I saw some of those cloning experiments going on down at the mall. They had wallet chains and real big pants."

    Will Backman Plumber
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