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North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Nuclear Warhead Thrilled For Chance To Finally Escape North Korea

PYONGYANG—Saying its spirits were immediately buoyed upon hearing Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s recent statement that the military was close to developing an intercontinental ballistic missile, a North Korean nuclear warhead reported Tuesday that it was thrilled for the chance to finally escape the country.

Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

VATICAN CITY—After pulling a probe thermometer from its thigh and tasting a piece of crispy golden-brown skin, Pope Francis began carving a slow-roasted 18-pound cherub for the Vatican’s annual Christmas feast, sources within the Holy See reported Sunday.
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The Concorde Crash

On July 25, an Air France Concorde crashed during takeoff near Paris, killing 113 people, including 96 Germans. What do you think of this first-ever crash of the supersonic jet?
  • "Man, that's more Germans than the French killed in WWII."

    Bill Ready Systems Analyst
  • "They still have those Concordes? That's so cute. I thought they went the way of Evel Knievel's X-1 Skycycle."

    Jill Connelly Psychologist
  • "I almost took that doomed Air France Concorde flight. Thank God, though, I chose instead to fly on Le Jette de Valu."

    Lynn Innis Homemaker
  • "I took the Concorde from New York to London in the early '90s, and it wasn't all that great. Macaulay Culkin kept kicking my seat."

    Michael Kipp Landscaper
  • "Man was not meant to break the sound barrier, and now we are paying mightily for our hubris."

    Robert Coleman Optometrist
  • "I once crashed my dad's Chrysler Concorde, but I only killed, like, four people."

    Doug Dyer File Clerk

More from this section

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

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