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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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The Crisis In Sudan

The U.S. has threatened economic action against the Sudanese government if it fails to disarm Arab militias, but some doubt it will curb the violence. What do you think?
  • "If we help these people now, we'll have to help them every time their women are being raped by the thousands and their children are being slaughtered like cattle."

    Stacy Heckel Systems Analyst
  • "Another African genocide? All right, I'll care—but this is absolutely the last time."

    Daniel Mears Radiologic Technician
  • "When dealing with genocide, you must ask yourself, "What would Hitler do?" And then, you know, do the opposite."

    Jeremy Larson Audiologist
  • "That reminds me. I could use a nice new sedan. Hell, I deserve one."

    George Wolf Chiropractor
  • "Wait. Is this a real genocide or just one of those reality-TV celebrity genocides?"

    Mark Garrett Manager
  • "Well, I don't want to sound overly partisan here. But tentatively, yes, I do oppose genocide."

    Gina Grunwald Treasurer

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