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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The Debate Debate

For months, Al Gore and George Bush have been unable to agree on a presidential-debate format, with each candidate accusing the other of ducking a face-off. What do you think?
  • "A free and open debate is absolutely vital if we are to maintain the illusion of American participatory democracy."

    Gloria Halpern Optometrist
  • "Shit, man, you just know it'll wind up preempting Nash Bridges."

    Rich Ruffalo Custodian
  • "I thought Bush made a perfectly reasonable demand that the debate be set at a Bush rally and that Gore not be given a microphone."

    Victor Huard Carpet Installer
  • "Any presidential debate will be a hollow sham unless they invite Natural Law Party candidate John Hagelin."

    Arthur Reese Investment Advisor
  • "We need a debate so the candidates can get to the heart of their carefully rehearsed opinions on a list of pre-selected topics."

    Lisa Helgenberg Graphic Designer
  • "A debate would be an invaluable way to see just how different these candidates are. For example, on the issue of the death penalty, Bush supports it, while Gore is strongly in favor."

    Andre Thomas Systems Analyst

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