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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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The Declining Crime Rate

It was announced last week that the U.S. crime rate is down for the seventh year in a row, falling to its lowest level since 1985. What do you think about this decline in American violence?
  • "As an upper-middle-class suburbanite, I'll just have to take your word for it."

    Michael Field Systems Analyst
  • "I attribute this drop to the nationwide crackdown on casual marijuana users. Thank God those evil fiends are locked up."

    Andre Coleman Investment Advisor
  • "Does this have anything to do with the recent reclassification of drive-by shootings as traffic violations?"

    Stephanie Wilmot Student
  • "You know what else has been declining for seven straight years? The number of women who want to sleep with carpet salesman Larry Brodt, that's fucking what."

    Larry Brodt Carpet Salesman
  • "Let's give credit where credit is due. Thank you, Meadowlark Lemon."

    Elaine Holcomb Homemaker
  • "Crime is down? Hey, man, don't look at me."

    Arthur Morales Cashier
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