The Declining Crime Rate

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Declining Crime Rate

It was announced last week that the U.S. crime rate is down for the seventh year in a row, falling to its lowest level since 1985. What do you think about this decline in American violence?
  • "As an upper-middle-class suburbanite, I'll just have to take your word for it."

    Michael Field
    Systems Analyst
  • "I attribute this drop to the nationwide crackdown on casual marijuana users. Thank God those evil fiends are locked up."

    Andre Coleman
    Investment Advisor
  • "Does this have anything to do with the recent reclassification of drive-by shootings as traffic violations?"

    Stephanie Wilmot
  • "You know what else has been declining for seven straight years? The number of women who want to sleep with carpet salesman Larry Brodt, that's fucking what."

    Larry Brodt
    Carpet Salesman
  • "Let's give credit where credit is due. Thank you, Meadowlark Lemon."

    Elaine Holcomb
  • "Crime is down? Hey, man, don't look at me."

    Arthur Morales