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The Definition Of Sex

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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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The Definition Of Sex

President Clinton reportedly told Monica Lewinsky during an alleged tryst that oral sex does not count as sexual relations. What do you think about the definition of sex?
  • "Recently, my wife accused me of cheating on her. But once I explained to her that this woman just sucked me off until I shot my load all over her dress, she was totally relieved."

    Larry Yates Systems Analyst
  • "I think of sex as that horrible and disgusting act I had to go through to produce my precious son Kevin."

    Anne Osrow Art Historian
  • "I don't understand why Clinton is getting so much heat in the press. I mean, people fuck Jews all the time."

    Rick Tonelli Photographer
  • "This definition thing could get way out of hand. For instance, if you're going to count genital-anal contact, that means I have sex with my dog, for chrissakes."

    Patrick Croydon Electrician
  • "Sex is when daddy puts his hot dog in mommy's bun. At least, that's what my husband told me."

    Valerie Joyner Student
  • "For me, sex can be the flutter of a woman's eyelashes. Or the rustling of her skirt. Or leaves moving gently in the breeze. Or a discarded soda cup. Or a bit of string."

    Ben Staunton Food Vendor

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