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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The Diallo Verdict

On Feb. 25, four NYPD officers were acquitted in the shooting of Amadou Diallo, a West African immigrant who died a year ago when he was shot 19 times after police mistook his wallet for a gun. What do you think of this controversial acquittal?
  • "If Diallo was so innocent, why was he taking his wallet out of his pocket? Huh? Huh? Answer me that."

    Michell Ness Machinist
  • "What were those cops supposed to do? Draw their guns without firing and repeat their verbal warning?"

    Irene Pollack Homemaker
  • "You have to understand, there's no time to reflect when you have to make a split-second decision whether to fire 41 times."

    Tina Botte Psychologist
  • "People are so misinformed about this case that they're missing the most important point: Amadou Diallo will never kill again."

    Richard Lefkowitz Orthodontist
  • "This is symptomatic of a much larger societal problem: the growing reliance of U.S. wallet manufacturers on gun-shaped designs."

    Marcus Torrance Systems Analyst
  • "Give those cops a break. It's not like they sodomized the guy with a mop handle or anything."

    Mel Soonachian Maintenance Worker
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