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The Diallo Verdict

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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The Diallo Verdict

On Feb. 25, four NYPD officers were acquitted in the shooting of Amadou Diallo, a West African immigrant who died a year ago when he was shot 19 times after police mistook his wallet for a gun. What do you think of this controversial acquittal?
  • "If Diallo was so innocent, why was he taking his wallet out of his pocket? Huh? Huh? Answer me that."

    Michell Ness Machinist
  • "What were those cops supposed to do? Draw their guns without firing and repeat their verbal warning?"

    Irene Pollack Homemaker
  • "You have to understand, there's no time to reflect when you have to make a split-second decision whether to fire 41 times."

    Tina Botte Psychologist
  • "People are so misinformed about this case that they're missing the most important point: Amadou Diallo will never kill again."

    Richard Lefkowitz Orthodontist
  • "This is symptomatic of a much larger societal problem: the growing reliance of U.S. wallet manufacturers on gun-shaped designs."

    Marcus Torrance Systems Analyst
  • "Give those cops a break. It's not like they sodomized the guy with a mop handle or anything."

    Mel Soonachian Maintenance Worker

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