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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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The 'Dirty Bomb' Threat

U.S. citizen Jose Padilla was arrested May 8 in a plot to detonate a "dirty bomb" spewing low-level radiation. What do you think about this latest terror threat?
  • "I am an American, and I'm not about to be cowed into fearing things I should be afraid of."

    Jim Miller Architect
  • "I'm glad they caught that soy-bomb guy. He was a dick."

    Lisa Bell Student
  • "I don't know... picking up chicks with, 'Sleep with me, baby—tomorrow we could all be dirty-bombed' just doesn't cut it."

    Frank Castellano Delivery Driver
  • "That's so awesome that the government stopped a would-be terrorist. And right when they're reeling from criticism about that stuff. It's like fate! A magical cosmic symmetry!"

    Dave Downing File Clerk
  • "Tell you one thing: There wouldn't be all this bombing and killing stuff if everyone in the world were either me or my wife."

    Mitch Redmond Systems Analyst
  • "The big question is, how did we ever let a guy like this into the country? What? He was born here? Oh."

    Dana Cornell Florist

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