adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Dress-Code Crackdown

Across the U.S., high schools are banning low-rise jeans, midriff-baring tops, and other skimpy articles of clothing. What do you think about the fashion crackdown?
  • "What I don't get is the super-low jeans where the thong straps peek out above the waistline. Why aren't those required?"

    Paul Cooper Plumber
  • "Girls that young should not be wearing sexy outfits in school. I say dress them all in plaid skirts and knee-high stockings."

    Nelson Wollersheim Bond Trader
  • "I think girls who violate dress codes should be suspended and picked up from school by their mothers' boyfriends."

    Lisa Hausherr Social Worker
  • "The way the kids dress these days, it's becoming almost impossible to tell the sluts from the regular girls."

    Tom Atack Tom Atack<br>
  • "Thank God for Maury Povich. He's doing his part by sending all those out-of-control, too-sexy teens to boot camp."

    Michael Keller Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know. I think some of those crotchless hot pants they sell in the JCPenney children's department are kind of cute."

    Meredith Wakefield Legal Secretary
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close