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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

The FBI And Pot

The FBI is considering relaxing their strict standards for past marijuana use among prospective agents. What do you think?
  • "I think it's a good change. The FBI should be open to considering applicants who attended college at some point in their past."

    Gerald Leslie
    Therapist
  • "As long as the FBI sticks to its '3 Strikes And You're Out' policy on masturbation, their reputation will remain intact."

    Craig Lefferts
    Salesman
  • "What's next? Allowing drunks to join the police?"

    Theresa Spillman
    Police Officer
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