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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The FDR Memorial

The new Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, dedicated last Friday in Washington, D.C., has come under fire for not depicting him in a wheelchair. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if the wheelchair would increase the monument's dignity, but it sure would increase its humor value. Cripples are hilarious!"

    Andy Noonan Graphic Designer
  • "Without FDR my feminine odor would be out of control."

    Lisa Proehl Orthopedic Surgeon
  • "Why must the new statue hide the truth? Can't it show FDR's nurse helping him on with his underwear?"

    Randy Innis Botanist
  • "This is Washington, D.C. If they put wheels on that thing, they'd be gone in 60 seconds."

    Brenda Sorensen Systems Analyst
  • "I'm still angry the Jefferson Memorial didn't depict him banging his slaves."

    Dennis Farron Police Officer
  • "Would the FDR in a wheelchair statue be able to talk like the Christopher Reeve statue I saw on Barbara Walters?"

    Reggie Yeager Cab Driver

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