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The FDR Memorial

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.
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The FDR Memorial

The new Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, dedicated last Friday in Washington, D.C., has come under fire for not depicting him in a wheelchair. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if the wheelchair would increase the monument's dignity, but it sure would increase its humor value. Cripples are hilarious!"

    Andy Noonan Graphic Designer
  • "Without FDR my feminine odor would be out of control."

    Lisa Proehl Orthopedic Surgeon
  • "Why must the new statue hide the truth? Can't it show FDR's nurse helping him on with his underwear?"

    Randy Innis Botanist
  • "This is Washington, D.C. If they put wheels on that thing, they'd be gone in 60 seconds."

    Brenda Sorensen Systems Analyst
  • "I'm still angry the Jefferson Memorial didn't depict him banging his slaves."

    Dennis Farron Police Officer
  • "Would the FDR in a wheelchair statue be able to talk like the Christopher Reeve statue I saw on Barbara Walters?"

    Reggie Yeager Cab Driver

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