Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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The Firestone Tire Recall

Last month, Firestone announced a recall of 6.5 million tires following reports of 46 deaths related to blowouts of tires on Ford sport-utility vehicles. The death toll has since risen to 88. What do you think?
  • "You can bet that from now on, I'll only be buying Michelins–the only tire safe enough for a nude infant to ride around in without even any car."

    Matthew Kramer Consultant
  • "SUV drivers are being killed. Killed, I tell you! Whoopee!"

    Diane Tendero Nurse Practitioner
  • "This is precisely why I will not permit vulcanization in my home."

    Donna Petruso Caterer
  • "I bet those Consumer Reports guys are really creaming their jeans over this one."

    Ron Gullett Electrician
  • "This should be a boon to Fox's America's Deadliest Crashes. I'm sick of seeing that motorcycle run into the bus."

    Marty Reese Carpenter
  • "I still say it's better to careen off a cliff in a Ford than drive a Chevy."

    Ed Westlake Systems Analyst

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