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The First Wives Phenomenon

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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The First Wives Phenomenon

The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
  • "First Wives? Bah! When is Time going to cover a real news story—like aliens invading the earth in a summer blockbuster? Now that would be news."

    Leigh Orff Opthamologist
  • "I'm a rich, white male who has been married twice. Only, I didn't divorce my first wife. I beat her to death with a golf club."

    Eric Hoyer Zookeeper
  • "When two people with a family divorce, they're not the only ones affected. Please don't forget about the pool cleaner."

    Connie Hanson Caterer
  • "I don't understand what all the hubbub is about—Diane Keaton didn't even take off her shirt."

    John Kretchman Systems Analyst
  • "I ain't seen the movie. But all the guys are talking about it down at the garage."

    Bill Feller Key Grip
  • "When my husband left me, I became a member of the Columbia Music Club. Savings is the best revenge!"

    Melanie Kranz Sales Representative

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