adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Future Of High Speed Rail

Many states are returning the federal money allocated for high-speed rail projects. What do you think?

  • "Maybe more states would embrace these trains if they were just a bit dirtier and slower."

    Fernando Felter Sales Associate
  • "It gives you so much less time to solve each murder before the train stops."

    Melisa Boxx Medical Technician
  • "This reminds me of when I told Congress thanks but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere."

    Sarah Palin Television Personality
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close