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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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The Future Of High Speed Rail

Many states are returning the federal money allocated for high-speed rail projects. What do you think?

  • "Maybe more states would embrace these trains if they were just a bit dirtier and slower."

    Fernando Felter Sales Associate
  • "It gives you so much less time to solve each murder before the train stops."

    Melisa Boxx Medical Technician
  • "This reminds me of when I told Congress thanks but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere."

    Sarah Palin Television Personality

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