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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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The Global-Warming Crisis

According to the National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration, the average 1998 worldwide temperature was 58.5 degrees, making it the warmest year on record. What do you think about the rising global-warming threat?
  • "Glenn Frey foretold of this grave crisis in his prophetic 1985 hit 'The Heat Is On.'"

    Lorraine Schwall Pediatrician
  • "We must put out the sun before it's too late."

    Marvin Malzone Financial Planner
  • "I just hope that when the world is a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland, I can get my hands on one of them dune-buggy things."

    Dennis Runnels Plumber
  • "Does this question involve the Super Bowl? No? Can you think of one that does?"

    Charles Green Systems Analyst
  • "I for one promise to stop aiming my aerosol cans directly at the sky."

    Armen Wills Cook
  • "I've always loved never-ending summers, palm trees and balmy tropical breezes, and it'll be nice to have them here in Winnipeg."

    Patricia Kolstad Teacher

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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