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The Global-Warming Crisis

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Science & Technology

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

The Global-Warming Crisis

According to the National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration, the average 1998 worldwide temperature was 58.5 degrees, making it the warmest year on record. What do you think about the rising global-warming threat?
  • "Glenn Frey foretold of this grave crisis in his prophetic 1985 hit 'The Heat Is On.'"

    Lorraine Schwall Pediatrician
  • "We must put out the sun before it's too late."

    Marvin Malzone Financial Planner
  • "I just hope that when the world is a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland, I can get my hands on one of them dune-buggy things."

    Dennis Runnels Plumber
  • "Does this question involve the Super Bowl? No? Can you think of one that does?"

    Charles Green Systems Analyst
  • "I for one promise to stop aiming my aerosol cans directly at the sky."

    Armen Wills Cook
  • "I've always loved never-ending summers, palm trees and balmy tropical breezes, and it'll be nice to have them here in Winnipeg."

    Patricia Kolstad Teacher

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