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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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The Graying Of America's Prisons

As a result of the crime boom of the '70s and '80s, experts are predicting an explosion in the number of elderly prisoners in the coming decades. What do you think?
  • "I'll tell you one upside to this: Jailbreaks and riots will take on more of a comical, pathetic quality."

    Marianne Anders Math Teacher
  • "She's never been to jail, but my grandmother is a prisoner in her own home. No way am I taking her out for walks."

    Freddie Payton Veterinarian
  • "I've been in prison for over 60 years. But do I complain? No! I'm fit as a fiddle, thanks to my Jack LaLanne juicer and a daily regimen of shower-room anal rape."

    Marty Santana Systems Analyst
  • "I heard that Roddy The Weasel, the top man in cell block 15-B, just broke his hip."

    Elyse Reuschel School Psychologist
  • "If they're really, really old, you can just stick them in some room and tell them it's jail."

    Chet Reid Civil Engineer
  • "Lefty's doing time in Sing Sing, see, because he took the fall for Moishe, see? We're going to bust him out, see? Then we're going to put the kibosh on DeSantoni's gang."

    Milt Worrell Safety Inspector

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