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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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The Great White Tragedy

Some are calling for criminal charges to be filed against the band Great White for its role in the deadly Feb. 20 pyrotechnics fire in Rhode Island. What do you think?
  • "What happened in that Rhode Island club is shocking. To think that over a hundred people would attend a Great White concert..."

    Jim Clemons Financial Analyst
  • "Without pyrotechnics, '80s metal bands will have no way to keep audiences from noticing how shitty their music is."

    Cynthia Kelleher Therapist
  • "As a concerned parent, I think it's high time somebody started speaking out against this dangerous shark-themed rock."

    Theresa King Homemaker
  • "I only feel safe inside a rock club when Lemmy is playing."

    Phil Orland Mechanic
  • "The saddest part of all is, they never even got to hear 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy.'"

    Bill Barton Truck Driver
  • "How many more people have to die before no one ever dies again?"

    Daniel Haley Systems Analyst

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