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The Great White Tragedy

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Great White Tragedy

Some are calling for criminal charges to be filed against the band Great White for its role in the deadly Feb. 20 pyrotechnics fire in Rhode Island. What do you think?
  • "What happened in that Rhode Island club is shocking. To think that over a hundred people would attend a Great White concert..."

    Jim Clemons Financial Analyst
  • "Without pyrotechnics, '80s metal bands will have no way to keep audiences from noticing how shitty their music is."

    Cynthia Kelleher Therapist
  • "As a concerned parent, I think it's high time somebody started speaking out against this dangerous shark-themed rock."

    Theresa King Homemaker
  • "I only feel safe inside a rock club when Lemmy is playing."

    Phil Orland Mechanic
  • "The saddest part of all is, they never even got to hear 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy.'"

    Bill Barton Truck Driver
  • "How many more people have to die before no one ever dies again?"

    Daniel Haley Systems Analyst

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