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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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The High Cost Of Weddings

The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $19,581. What do you think?

  • "That's just if you're looking for an average wedding. We've got unmemorable substandard wedding packages beginning at only 14 grand."

    Keith Brenneck Wedding Planner
  • "Well, in my case, it will need to be much higher. I'm only attracted to needy, covetous women whose wedding fantasies never got beyond the Barbie stage and who never seem happy anyhow."

    Alice Foder Mica Inspector
  • "But what's the alternative? Saving $20,000 and having sex with lots of different people?"

    Damon Lombardo Systems Analyst
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