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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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The High Cost Of Weddings

The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $19,581. What do you think?

  • "That's just if you're looking for an average wedding. We've got unmemorable substandard wedding packages beginning at only 14 grand."

    Keith Brenneck Wedding Planner
  • "Well, in my case, it will need to be much higher. I'm only attracted to needy, covetous women whose wedding fantasies never got beyond the Barbie stage and who never seem happy anyhow."

    Alice Foder Mica Inspector
  • "But what's the alternative? Saving $20,000 and having sex with lots of different people?"

    Damon Lombardo Systems Analyst

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