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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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The Holistic Medicine Boom

Led by such new-age gurus as Deepak Chopra and Andrew Weil, holistic medicine is more popular than ever. What do you think of alternative medicine?
  • "I tried acupuncture once to cure a liver ailment. It wasn't the needles that bothered me; it was the Asian guy laughing at me in the background."

    Ed Shelby Reference Librarian
  • "My bad breath was recently healed by a powerful new-age Certs flavor crystal."

    Alison Nickerson Bank Teller
  • "This guy once told me he could redirect my chi energy by putting his dick in my butt. He was a very wise man."

    Ron Kramer Systems Analyst
  • "I had my thyroid gland removed without any anesthetic, and only two acupuncture needles in my neck. The pain was excruciating."

    Francis Dhuey Interior Designer
  • "I've been on a ginseng-only diet for three weeks now. Look at the colors, man. The colors."

    Stacy Rokowitz Psychologist
  • "My wife had a swami over last week to correctly align her yoni and chakras. She said it worked, but it sure looked to me like he was just fucking her."

    Benjamin Wuhl Plumber
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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