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The Holistic Medicine Boom

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Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

BAY LAKE, FL—In an effort to provide park visitors with the most true-to-life attraction possible, Walt Disney World officials announced Monday that computer technicians have begun uploading Barack Obama’s consciousness into his animatronic robot likeness at the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents exhibit.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
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The Holistic Medicine Boom

Led by such new-age gurus as Deepak Chopra and Andrew Weil, holistic medicine is more popular than ever. What do you think of alternative medicine?
  • "I tried acupuncture once to cure a liver ailment. It wasn't the needles that bothered me; it was the Asian guy laughing at me in the background."

    Ed Shelby Reference Librarian
  • "My bad breath was recently healed by a powerful new-age Certs flavor crystal."

    Alison Nickerson Bank Teller
  • "This guy once told me he could redirect my chi energy by putting his dick in my butt. He was a very wise man."

    Ron Kramer Systems Analyst
  • "I had my thyroid gland removed without any anesthetic, and only two acupuncture needles in my neck. The pain was excruciating."

    Francis Dhuey Interior Designer
  • "I've been on a ginseng-only diet for three weeks now. Look at the colors, man. The colors."

    Stacy Rokowitz Psychologist
  • "My wife had a swami over last week to correctly align her yoni and chakras. She said it worked, but it sure looked to me like he was just fucking her."

    Benjamin Wuhl Plumber

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