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The Holocaust And The Vatican

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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The Holocaust And The Vatican

Last week, the Vatican issued a document apologizing for its silence during the Holocaust. Jewish leaders called the document–which spread the blame for the genocide and praised wartime Pope Pius XII as a diplomat—"too little, too late." What do you think?
  • "Oh, like none of us ever collaborated with the Nazis in a systematic campaign to end the Jewish Problem. We're all just sooo perfect, aren't we?"

    John Frank Chemical Engineer
  • "This is the worst thing to happen in Catholic-Jewish relations since Billy Joel said, 'You Catholic girls start much too late.' Billy Joel is Jewish, isn't he?"

    Michael Richelieu Carpenter
  • "So the Catholics say they're sorry, but they stand by the Pope? That's the same thing Father Miller said after he cornholed me."

    Oscar Dwyer Landscaper
  • "I'll tell you one thing, no matter what happens, both sides of this debate are going to be riddled with guilt."

    Cory Patterson Systems Analyst
  • "I'm still waiting for an apology from the producers of Hogan's Heroes. They barely even acknowledged the Holocaust on that show."

    Lisa Silverman Occupational Therapist
  • "I'm sure Pope Pius was just following God's orders."

    Libby Kasich Dental Hygienist

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