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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The Human-Cloning Controversy

Last week, scientists announced the first-ever cloning of a human embryo, which they hope to mine for stem cells to treat diseases. What do you think?
  • "At last, the underpopulation crisis has found its magic bullet."

    Carla Rayner Homemaker
  • "A whole population of identical-looking human beings? This chilling dystopian vision has already come to pass in the fall J. Crew catalog."

    Leslie Jong Massage Therapist
  • "We don't need these cloned embryos takin' all the jobs away from regular embryos."

    Rich Stewart Auto Mechanic
  • "Scientists should not be allowed to play God. Brian Blessed would be much better."

    Donald Scott Tax Attorney
  • "I've got a plan to create the world's first human-clone hybrid. Remember that sheep Dolly? I'm gonna fuck it."

    Fred Gardner Cashier
  • "I think I'll just sit back and let the ignorant, hysterical Christians handle this one."

    Peter Jordan Systems Analyst
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