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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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The Human-Cloning Controversy

Last week, scientists announced the first-ever cloning of a human embryo, which they hope to mine for stem cells to treat diseases. What do you think?
  • "At last, the underpopulation crisis has found its magic bullet."

    Carla Rayner Homemaker
  • "A whole population of identical-looking human beings? This chilling dystopian vision has already come to pass in the fall J. Crew catalog."

    Leslie Jong Massage Therapist
  • "We don't need these cloned embryos takin' all the jobs away from regular embryos."

    Rich Stewart Auto Mechanic
  • "Scientists should not be allowed to play God. Brian Blessed would be much better."

    Donald Scott Tax Attorney
  • "I've got a plan to create the world's first human-clone hybrid. Remember that sheep Dolly? I'm gonna fuck it."

    Fred Gardner Cashier
  • "I think I'll just sit back and let the ignorant, hysterical Christians handle this one."

    Peter Jordan Systems Analyst

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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