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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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The In-Flight Cell-Phone Ban

The FCC is currently reviewing its ban on the use of cell phones during flights, but many passengers say they like the restriction. What do you think?
  • "If they lift the ban on cell-phone use, they better lift the ban on passengers beating the shit out of each other, too."

    Carla Sparks Chef
  • "But...but...what about the disastrous effect cell phones could have on aircraft navigational systems?! Nooo!"

    Gordan Rami Repairman
  • "I don't know. Last year, the airlines lifted the ban on seat-kicking and look what happened."

    Brenda Ellis-Lee Salesperson
  • "Awesome! Now I can call my girlfriend and join the Mile High Solo club."

    Joe Callister Cashier
  • "What an ideal marriage of the Wright Brothers and Alexander Graham Bell. And Kafka. And Pavlov. And Mengele."

    Tyler Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Now the only thing left is to fill the cabin with ankle-deep brackish ice water, and air travel will be about perfect."

    Toby Leiffert Teacher

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