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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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The In-Flight Cell-Phone Ban

The FCC is currently reviewing its ban on the use of cell phones during flights, but many passengers say they like the restriction. What do you think?
  • "If they lift the ban on cell-phone use, they better lift the ban on passengers beating the shit out of each other, too."

    Carla Sparks Chef
  • "But...but...what about the disastrous effect cell phones could have on aircraft navigational systems?! Nooo!"

    Gordan Rami Repairman
  • "I don't know. Last year, the airlines lifted the ban on seat-kicking and look what happened."

    Brenda Ellis-Lee Salesperson
  • "Awesome! Now I can call my girlfriend and join the Mile High Solo club."

    Joe Callister Cashier
  • "What an ideal marriage of the Wright Brothers and Alexander Graham Bell. And Kafka. And Pavlov. And Mengele."

    Tyler Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Now the only thing left is to fill the cabin with ankle-deep brackish ice water, and air travel will be about perfect."

    Toby Leiffert Teacher

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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