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The In-Flight Cell-Phone Ban

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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The In-Flight Cell-Phone Ban

The FCC is currently reviewing its ban on the use of cell phones during flights, but many passengers say they like the restriction. What do you think?
  • "If they lift the ban on cell-phone use, they better lift the ban on passengers beating the shit out of each other, too."

    Carla Sparks Chef
  • "But...but...what about the disastrous effect cell phones could have on aircraft navigational systems?! Nooo!"

    Gordan Rami Repairman
  • "I don't know. Last year, the airlines lifted the ban on seat-kicking and look what happened."

    Brenda Ellis-Lee Salesperson
  • "Awesome! Now I can call my girlfriend and join the Mile High Solo club."

    Joe Callister Cashier
  • "What an ideal marriage of the Wright Brothers and Alexander Graham Bell. And Kafka. And Pavlov. And Mengele."

    Tyler Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Now the only thing left is to fill the cabin with ankle-deep brackish ice water, and air travel will be about perfect."

    Toby Leiffert Teacher

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