adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Interest-Rate Hike

Last week, the Federal Reserve raised a key short-term interest rate for the first time in four years. What do you think?
  • "It's about time Greenspan got off his duff and did something other than sit around the office all day analyzing market indicators."

    Danielle Strohkirch Secretary
  • "As long as the rate hike makes it tougher for terrorists to afford the tools of terror, I'll support it."

    Justin Fillmore Dental Hygienist
  • "Perfect. Just perfect. First my wife leaves me, then my son dies in a car accident, and now this?"

    Michael Eighmy Systems Analyst
  • "Classic move by the Fed Chief there. Man, Greenspan—gotta love him."

    Tony Fields Audiologist
  • "The lenders should fight the Feds and refuse to raise the rates. Come on, America. We can do this."

    Jason Forst Performer
  • "How does the Federal Reserve sleep at night? More to the point, how does it stay awake during the day?"

    Christine Cain Veterinarian

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close