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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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The Iraq Standoff

Saddam Hussein continues to defy the terms of Iraq's Gulf War surrender, refusing to let U.N. weapons inspectors into his nation unless economic sanctions are lifted. What do you think the U.S. should do?
  • "Hopefully, the situation will deteriorate rapidly, as I still have over 43,000 'Saddam Insane' T-shirts left over in my garage from the Gulf War."

    Teresa Templeton School Psychologist
  • "I know how those U.N. guys feel. I've been asking this girl at work to let me inspect her weapons for weeks now, but so far, no luck."

    Bob Sobel Cashier
  • "I am shocked that Saddam is not intimidated by the mighty U.N. peacekeepers, with their powder-blue uniforms and nightsticks."

    Chad Scherr Systems Analyst
  • "No doubt about it, that Saddam Hussein is a wily fox. A wily, wily fox."

    Kim Vallejo Chemist
  • "I'm sure that if we just sat down and reasoned with these flag-burning Arab madmen, they'd see our point of view."

    Andrew Allanson Electrician
  • "Whatever happened to the good old days, when you bombed the living shit out of somebody, and they stayed bombed?"

    Brandon Wilens Graduate Student

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