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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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The Jeffords Defection

Last week, U.S. Sen. James Jeffords of Vermont left the GOP to become an independent, handing control of the Senate to the Democrats. What do you think?
  • "Wow, this could shift the balance of power in the Senate. It has? I was right."

    Bud Manwaring Truck Driver
  • "It's rare when a senator does what he thinks is right. It's even rarer when the rest of the Senate notices."

    Angela Aldrete Piano Teacher
  • "Now that the Democrats are in control, know what that means? Ping-pong table in the rotunda! Ping-pong table in the rotunda!"

    Hal Uribe Cashier
  • "We can't have people changing parties all willy-nilly. This nation was founded on principles of non-willy-nillyness."

    Paul Dravecky Systems Analyst
  • "Why would anybody want to leave the Republican Party? It just doesn't make sense."

    Donna Thompson Homemaker
  • "A senator defected? Oh, no–now the Russians will learn all the secrets to how we make our government run so smoothly and efficiently."

    Larry Mitchell Banker

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