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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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The Land Mine Debate

Representatives of nearly 100 nations gathered in Oslo last week to draft a treaty to ban land mines globally. The treaty was rejected by President Clinton, who said that mines are necessary to protect certain disputed borders. What do you think?
  • "The governments of many Third World nations rely on land mines as their primary means of blowing the legs off innocent children. Without them, what would they do—saw all those legs off by hand?"

    Richard Vasquez Optometrist
  • "As a military historian, I know of a far greater threat than land mines: Welsh longbows. Why, those things cut down scores of French infantrymen during the Battle of Agincourt."

    Michelle Reyerson Historian
  • "I was against land mines until I found out that we don't have any in Minnesota. Now I don't care either way."

    Nancy Stennett Student
  • "I just think it's awful that Princess Diana had to be tragically killed by a land mine in order to bring this serious issue to the fore."

    Ken Unger Landscaper
  • "Land mines are unconscionable in this day and age. From now on, the world's military powers should rely on underground motion-detecting hunter/seeker mobile cyberdrones equipped with rotating sawblades."

    J.D. Lewis Systems Analyst
  • "I'll betcha one of them land mines would really do a number on your nutsack."

    Oscar Steinholz Salesman

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