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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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‘The Lion King’ Turns 20

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the theatrical release of The Lion King, Disney's classic musical adventure film, which remains one of the most popular animated movies of all time. What do you think?

  • “Twenty years and there hasn't even been a reboot yet? What a piece of shit.”

    Kendall Warsinger Brochure Editor
  • “My daughter used to have the biggest crush on Simba, until I explained he was just a series of still images manipulated to create the illusion of motion.”

    Brian Raad Unemployed
  • “It's incredible what Disney is capable of when it has a Japanese animated feature it can rip off.”

    David Scrabis Fireworks Tester

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