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The Little Cuban Boy

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Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

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God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

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The Little Cuban Boy

Elian Gonzalez, a 6-year-old Cuban boy, is the subject of a bitter international custody battle. Found at sea on Nov. 25, two days after his mother drowned with 10 others in an ill-fated attempt to flee Cuba for the U.S., the boy is currently living with relatives in Miami. His father, who lives in the Cuban town of Cardenas, has demanded his return. What do you think?
  • "We can't let this child come under the sway of an isolationist, tyrannical state led by a self-obsessed sociopath. By all means, send him back to Cuba."

    Garnett Baker Systems Analyst
  • "Elian should be allowed to stay. It would be good for Miami to get a little splash of Cuban culture."

    Donna Keegan School Psychologist
  • "This calls for the wisdom of Solomon, who threatened to cut a young boy in half. Of course, that's just a myth, but with modern medical technology, we could actually make it work."

    Michael Teague Consultant
  • "First them Cubans take away our jobs, then they try to take away our immigrants. I say send 'em all back to Cuba! Could you repeat the question?"

    Todd Thomas Machinist
  • "We can't send him back there. They fry bananas, for God's sake."

    Wesley Pierce Jeweler
  • "Political considerations should not play a role in the life of a little boy who is a clear publicity tool in a politically motivated international public-relations dispute."

    Linda Petruso Homemaker

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