The Little Cuban Boy

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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The Little Cuban Boy

Elian Gonzalez, a 6-year-old Cuban boy, is the subject of a bitter international custody battle. Found at sea on Nov. 25, two days after his mother drowned with 10 others in an ill-fated attempt to flee Cuba for the U.S., the boy is currently living with relatives in Miami. His father, who lives in the Cuban town of Cardenas, has demanded his return. What do you think?
  • "We can't let this child come under the sway of an isolationist, tyrannical state led by a self-obsessed sociopath. By all means, send him back to Cuba."

    Garnett Baker Systems Analyst
  • "Elian should be allowed to stay. It would be good for Miami to get a little splash of Cuban culture."

    Donna Keegan School Psychologist
  • "This calls for the wisdom of Solomon, who threatened to cut a young boy in half. Of course, that's just a myth, but with modern medical technology, we could actually make it work."

    Michael Teague Consultant
  • "First them Cubans take away our jobs, then they try to take away our immigrants. I say send 'em all back to Cuba! Could you repeat the question?"

    Todd Thomas Machinist
  • "We can't send him back there. They fry bananas, for God's sake."

    Wesley Pierce Jeweler
  • "Political considerations should not play a role in the life of a little boy who is a clear publicity tool in a politically motivated international public-relations dispute."

    Linda Petruso Homemaker


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