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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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The Low Voter Turnout

Despite being one of the closest presidential races in decades, the 2000 election drew a disappointingly low turnout. What do you think?
  • "Well, I, for one, knew it was going to be close, and I didn't want to, you know, influence it one way or the other."

    Dina Ackles Student
  • "I blame MTV for failing to rock the vote to a sufficient degree."

    Dianne Hoppe Dentist
  • "I was just acting in accordance with the Voter Apathy Act of 1989."

    Mitchell Blake Systems Analyst
  • "I'd have voted if my local races were cooler. Like in Missouri: They had a dead guy on the ballot there, man."

    Fred Runnels Waiter
  • "Not voting is one of the perks of being a convicted felon."

    Matt Slocombe Shipping Clerk
  • "What do you mean? I've done nothing but vote all year–for my favorite song, for most exciting NFL touchdown, for whether the rabbit gets his Trix. I'm fuckin' exhausted."

    Larry Buckley Office Manager

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