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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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The Magic Number

What is your favorite number?
  • "You mean, other than eight?"

    Trish Rubin Choral Director
  • "I have trouble deciding between 12 and 85, so I'll take their average and say 48.5."

    Gene Pfeiffer Systems Analyst
  • "The cosine of 67 degrees, because that's the number I wore when I played football in high school."

    Liz Schreiber Hotel Concierge
  • "Sorry, I flunked math. But 'albedo' is my favorite meteorological term."

    Tanner Bilson Waiter
  • "I know it's trendy, but I'd have to say six."

    Art Dawes Accordionist
  • "I don't really have a favorite. Just so long as I'm counting, I'm happy."

    George Reuschelm French Teacher
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