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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The Medical-Marijuana Ban

Last week, the Supreme Court ruled 8-0 that federal law does not allow a "medical necessity" exception to the ban on marijuana use. What do you think?
  • "Good. Medical marijuana is a gateway drug, and many who use it go on to use stronger stuff–even engaging in full-blown chemotherapy."

    Diane Denkinger Realtor
  • "Luckily, people with health problems still have the healing powers of alcohol at their disposal."

    David Dawson Mechanic
  • "You know, those Cheech & Chong movies come off as very warm and human if you see them as simple dramas about two dying friends."

    Patti D'Andrea Tour Guide
  • "What? I can't believe I voted for David Souter in the High Times Hemp 100."

    Radu Manogian File Clerk
  • "The terminally ill need to learn that you can have fun without all the drugs."

    Burt Allenby Systems Analyst
  • "If they really wanted to stop people from smoking pot, they should legalize medical marijuana. Under this country's health-care system, nobody would be able to get it."

    Marlon Edwards Civil Engineer

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