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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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The Medicare Crisis

Medicare, which provides health insurance to 40 million elderly Americans, is projected to go bankrupt by 2008. What do you think about this impending crisis?
  • "If God had meant for us to help the aged and infirm, He certainly would have put it in The Bible."

    Harriet Alston Operator
  • "I'm doing my part to save Medicare by turning all the IV drips in my hospital to half-power."

    Randall Essian Hospital Administrator
  • "Why should we keep offering the elderly all these free handouts? They're just going to spend it all on a bunch of dialysis and shit."

    Victor Keough Electrician
  • "So what if a few million old people die? Are they, like, scarce or something?"

    Iris Heaverlo Student
  • "Somebody in Washington should call for health-care reform."

    Lawrence Dilone Systems Analyst
  • "How much could it cost to shut away the elderly with a black-and-white TV and some cat food? A couple hundred a year?"

    David Armas Sales Clerk

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