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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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The Missing Intern

Four months after her disappearance, the search continues for Chandra Levy, the 24-year-old intern who had an affair with Rep. Gary Condit (D-CA). What do you think?
  • "For years, men have been screwing women and then vanishing. But one woman does it, and there's all this hoop-de-doo."

    Donald Bumbry Systems Analyst
  • "Man, the Democrats sure do love those intern Jewesses."

    Hal Murray File Clerk
  • "I am enraged by Condit's evasiveness. Just tell us, yes or no: Did you have butt sex?"

    Fred Singleton Cashier
  • "While the police are at it, they should find out where my intern is. I asked for those copies 20 minutes ago!"

    Richard Sakata Attorney
  • "I've been missing for almost two years now, and it still hasn't made the news."

    Jill Roenicke Biologist
  • "I hope this finally shows our young people that there's no future in fucking politicians."

    Diana Dempsey Speech Pathologist

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