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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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The Missing Intern

Four months after her disappearance, the search continues for Chandra Levy, the 24-year-old intern who had an affair with Rep. Gary Condit (D-CA). What do you think?
  • "For years, men have been screwing women and then vanishing. But one woman does it, and there's all this hoop-de-doo."

    Donald Bumbry Systems Analyst
  • "Man, the Democrats sure do love those intern Jewesses."

    Hal Murray File Clerk
  • "I am enraged by Condit's evasiveness. Just tell us, yes or no: Did you have butt sex?"

    Fred Singleton Cashier
  • "While the police are at it, they should find out where my intern is. I asked for those copies 20 minutes ago!"

    Richard Sakata Attorney
  • "I've been missing for almost two years now, and it still hasn't made the news."

    Jill Roenicke Biologist
  • "I hope this finally shows our young people that there's no future in fucking politicians."

    Diana Dempsey Speech Pathologist

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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