adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Morning-After Pill

The FDA is deciding whether they will allow non-prescription sales of the morning-after pill Plan B. What do you think?
  • "If this pill is sold over the counter, people will start, for the first time ever, having unprotected sex."

    Jared Maldonado Telemarketer
  • "It says in the Bible that the morning-after pill is wrong. I believe the passage is Pharmaceuticals 3:16."

    Adrian Roy Systems Analyst
  • "Why not? The tequila responsible for getting me knocked up in the first place is sold over the counter."

    Dana Conner Photographer
  • "Not for me, thanks. I've had a Dalkon Shield IUD in me for 30 years, and in me it's gonna stay."

    Ana Huff Musician
  • "Do I think they should sell the morning-after pill over the counter? Hell, I think they should add it to One-A-Day multivitamins."

    Claude Adkins Author
  • "Wait. There's a way to prevent pregnancy?"

    Karl Bass Security Guard
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close