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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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The Morning-After Pill

The FDA is deciding whether they will allow non-prescription sales of the morning-after pill Plan B. What do you think?
  • "If this pill is sold over the counter, people will start, for the first time ever, having unprotected sex."

    Jared Maldonado Telemarketer
  • "It says in the Bible that the morning-after pill is wrong. I believe the passage is Pharmaceuticals 3:16."

    Adrian Roy Systems Analyst
  • "Why not? The tequila responsible for getting me knocked up in the first place is sold over the counter."

    Dana Conner Photographer
  • "Not for me, thanks. I've had a Dalkon Shield IUD in me for 30 years, and in me it's gonna stay."

    Ana Huff Musician
  • "Do I think they should sell the morning-after pill over the counter? Hell, I think they should add it to One-A-Day multivitamins."

    Claude Adkins Author
  • "Wait. There's a way to prevent pregnancy?"

    Karl Bass Security Guard

More from this section

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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