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DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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The New Food Pyramid

Last week, the federal government released a new food pyramid, but many citizens say the nutrition guidelines are too complicated. What do you think?
  • "Apparently there are different food pyramids for meeting different people's needs. I'm gonna guess mine is a mile-high spike of smoked ham, 1,000 feet wide at the base."

    Kent Montoya Coach
  • "I'm not sure how to use the pyramid guidelines. They measure servings in cups, whereas I measure servings in pitchers. Sometimes in pails, if I have a clean one."

    Tracy Golden Systems Analyst
  • "Look, governments are supposed to kill people, not encourage them to be healthier."

    Eduardo York Broadcast Technician
  • "I heard that if you burrow deep inside the pyramid, you'll find a mother lode of discretionary calories."

    Nellie Robles Nurse
  • "I ask this every year, but where is the 'learning to love yourself the way you already are' pyramid?"

    Seth Johnson Drummer
  • "I've always wanted to be buried for all eternity in a giant food pyramid, with my toaster and chicken rotisserie preserved next to me in ceremonial urns."

    Marianne McDowell Stenographer

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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