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Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
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The Not-So-Friendly Skies

Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
  • "I realize passengers are concerned, but speaking as a pilot, there's no better place to drop acid than 40,000 feet in the air."

    Nathan Reynolds Pilot
  • "There need to be more exhaustive pre-boarding security anal probes. In fact, forget the plane ride altogether."

    Martin Mattacks Ornithologist
  • "I would like to see more entertaining in-flight movies and fewer mid-air explosive decapitations."

    Erick D'Alessio Plumber
  • "I hate being aboard a plane during a terrorist hijacking, but when I have to be, I chew delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum."

    Rosalie Thalacker Pharmacist
  • "It stinks that all flights are now non-smoking, but I can usually get away with blowing the smoke out the gaping rusted holes in the plane's fuselage."

    Marianne Sirota Lab Technician
  • "Airline safety is all about people."

    Steven Lastrom Systems Analyst


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