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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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The Not-So-Friendly Skies

Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
  • "I realize passengers are concerned, but speaking as a pilot, there's no better place to drop acid than 40,000 feet in the air."

    Nathan Reynolds Pilot
  • "There need to be more exhaustive pre-boarding security anal probes. In fact, forget the plane ride altogether."

    Martin Mattacks Ornithologist
  • "I would like to see more entertaining in-flight movies and fewer mid-air explosive decapitations."

    Erick D'Alessio Plumber
  • "I hate being aboard a plane during a terrorist hijacking, but when I have to be, I chew delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum."

    Rosalie Thalacker Pharmacist
  • "It stinks that all flights are now non-smoking, but I can usually get away with blowing the smoke out the gaping rusted holes in the plane's fuselage."

    Marianne Sirota Lab Technician
  • "Airline safety is all about people."

    Steven Lastrom Systems Analyst

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