'The Onion' has proven again and again over the past 250 years that it is the most reliable news source available. What do you think?

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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'The Onion' has proven again and again over the past 250 years that it is the most reliable news source available. What do you think?

  • “If it weren’t for The Onion’s commitment to journalistic excellence, how else would you explain their decision to publish my praise of their exemplary efforts?”

    Sam Clinton
    Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, yeah! You guys always know what day of the week it is! Yesterday, I thought it was Wednesday, but you set me straight! Thanks!"

    Lynn Collins
    Polymerization Helper
  • "Out of my way! I have no time to listen to your question. I must get my copy of The Onion before the dispenser runs out."

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