adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

'The Onion' has proven again and again over the past 250 years that it is the most reliable news source available. What do you think?

  • “If it weren’t for The Onion’s commitment to journalistic excellence, how else would you explain their decision to publish my praise of their exemplary efforts?”

    Sam Clinton Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, yeah! You guys always know what day of the week it is! Yesterday, I thought it was Wednesday, but you set me straight! Thanks!"

    Lynn Collins Polymerization Helper
  • "Out of my way! I have no time to listen to your question. I must get my copy of The Onion before the dispenser runs out."

    Seth Atkins Babbitter

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close