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The Onion's 2008 In Review: Politics

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Politics

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
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The Onion's 2008 In Review: Politics

In 2008, two Democratic governors, Eliot Spitzer of New York and Rod Blagojevich of Illinois, were disgraced by illegal activities. What do you think?
  • "We should just be grateful that all of this happened at a state level. Can you imagine if one of our presidents had conducted himself in a disgraceful or illegal way?"

    Tammy Hall Provost
  • "Those crazy-ass governors. Thank God all those lieutenant governors are around to pick up the slack."

    Phil Kuenn Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, sure, pick on the Democratic governors. What about all those people Arnold Schwarzenegger mercilessly mowed down before being crushed by a hydraulic press?"

    Emerson Rocchi Police Officer

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