The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Economy

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Vol 44 Issue 51

Emerging Technologies

2009 saw a number of eye-popping new gadgets and devices available on the consumer market. Here are some of the ones that really...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...


The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Economy

The Dow Jones Industrial Average has fallen nearly 6,000 points since reaching its all-time high of more than 14,000 last year. What do you think?
  • "I'm sure that'd be even more terrifying if I knew what the points represented."

    Curtis Langford
    Systems Analyst
  • "C'mon, I've seen this happen a thousand times. The stock market crashes, and then twenty years and a world war later, everything's fine."

    Cindy Greenlagh
    Systems Analyst
  • "This sounds like a perfect time to hatch my poorly conceived, undercapitalized business venture, so that when it fails I can blame the economy."

    Ryan Timms
    Systems Analyst
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