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The OxyContin Epidemic

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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The OxyContin Epidemic

OxyContin, a powerful prescription painkiller whose effects have been compared to heroin's, is being abused by a soaring number of drug addicts. What do you think?
  • "It's been great getting my drugs at Walgreens. The pharmacists there are so much friendlier than that dickbag Zach I used get my shit from."

    Rob West Electrician
  • "Whoa, hold on there a minute: You can get high off an acne pad?"

    Barry Valtierra Bike Messenger
  • "You are so lame. They're called Oxys or O.C.'s. No one says 'OxyContin.'"

    Dana Schwartz Student
  • "Didn't we learn anything from that one Little House On The Prairie where Albert gets hooked on morphine?"

    Emily Jay Homemaker
  • "While I am strongly opposed to drug abuse, I must applaud the entrepreneurial spirit exhibited by addicts when it comes to finding new ways to get off."

    Chris Levey Auto Salesman
  • "This is exactly why I don't want my kids hanging out with white people."

    Raymond Harvey Systems Analyst

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