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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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The Preemptive-Strike Debate

President Bush's standoff with Iraq has prompted debate over whether preemptive strikes are a justifiable U.S. military option. What do you think?
  • "Those Iraqis have had it coming for a long time, suffering under the oppressive rule of a maniacal tyrant like that."

    Jon Gordimer Delivery Driver
  • "Who's going to stop us, I ask you? The rest of the world? Excuse me while I laugh."

    Eileen Stavros Librarian
  • "If we don't take decisive action now, we run the risk of countless Iraqis continuing to live."

    Rachel Eckert English Teacher
  • "Preemptive strikes are a dicey proposition. How about a test strike on Spain, to see how that goes?"

    Craig Utrecht Cashier
  • "What other choice do we have? We've already exhausted every possible effort to find bin Laden."

    George Banks Systems <br>Analyst
  • "Hey, if you've got a fucking problem with it, you can talk to my fucking fist. I'll be in the Senate chambers."

    Stephen <br>Edwards Legislator

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