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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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The Promise Keepers

While some praise the Promise Keepers, who recently held a massive rally on the National Mall, for their call for Christian men to renew their commitment to family and God, others say the group has an underlying anti-woman agenda. What do you think?
  • "I was at the rally, and when I realized all the sins I had committed, I began to pray and weep hysterically. Then I accused Goody Brewster and Tituba the slave girl of witchcraft and began to whirl around uncontrollably and stab random people."

    Chris Foote Realtor
  • "Personally, I'm scared by these Promise Keepers. They go against everything I learned and felt at Lilith Fair."

    Liz Offerman Student
  • "What's wrong with a group of men finally standing up and taking responsibility for their wives' actions?"

    Matthew Butler Computer Programmer
  • "The Promise Keepers represent a wide spectrum of Christian men, ranging from those who wear blue polo shirts with tan, pleated pants to those who prefer tan polos with dark pants."

    Mary Chapman Interior Designer
  • "I have not seen that many white men weep openly since Tom Watson double-bogeyed on the 18th at last year's Masters."

    Barry Eadle Systems Analyst
  • "As a Freemason, I see nothing threatening about an insular, patriarchal belief system. Please pass the ceremonial chalice and blade."

    Victor Schukal Airline Pilot

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